I’m actually amazed at how hard Garden State hit me. It was an incredible movie.
But Zach Braff’s character was so similar to me that it actually really freaked me out. Like how he wanted to be an actor because he just wanted to pretend to be other people and to just be able to look like he felt anything.
And when he talked about how upsetting it was that he couldn’t even cry at his mom’s funeral made me think about how blank I was at my grandmother’s. And how my mom was a mess and has broken down so many times since then when thinking about her and I still just feel nothing. Or how I feel like I never feel what I should feel emotionally in certain situations. I don’t know it was just a bit upsetting and strange. But also amazing that I could get so emotional and feel so connected through a fictional character that Braff created. I guess that’s really why I want to act or write or be a musician. The reason I always gave for wanting to be a musician is that I wanted to make people feel happy or sad or whatever they wanted through music. And I kind of want to be an actor so I can make people feel the way i do right now and just think for a moment. And maybe to feel a bit myself. Hopefully I can really do something creative in my life that will connect emotionally with people even if it’s just a few. Random rant over sorry about that